Wednesday, Oct. 5, 2011

My family arrived last night. They were a sight for sore eyes, but my eyes were very tired and I had to close them for the night.

In the morning, we ate breakfast and went over the nursing home. PMO and the kids visited with my mom while I met with the pastor at her church.

The Royal Heights Methodist church is large and looks to be a very active place, appearing to have been added on to over time. I was running late and apologized to Terri. We hadn't met face to face until then. I had spoken with her on the phone a few times. We went into her sunlit office and sat at a glass table. I brought along some biblical verses that PMO had gathered from our Catholic Church as possible suggestions for the readings. You could fit everything I know about scripture into a thimble.

But I know volumes about my dad.

We talked for nearly two hours. She asked very good questions to draw out stories about Dad. I wanted there to be as much laughter at the service as possible. He would have wanted that.

Arrived back at the nursing home where it was getting to be lunch time. We opted to let Mom stay for lunch there and the four of us went out to the Roadhouse. Today was Sean's 29th birthday. I had planned to have lunch with him this day, but this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. The funniest thing was that PMO and Erin ordered the exact same thing. As did Sean and I.

Dropped Sean off at the nearby mall to get a haircut and pair of dress shoes. Erin and PMO went back to the hotel. I went to the nh to visit with Mom and give her the opportunity to go see Dad and say her goodbyes in private.

She and I calmly talked in her room for over an hour. I asked her a number of times throughout the conversation about seeing him and she declined each time. There were times during our talk that she didn't remember being married to him that long. I showed her the obituary from the paper and read it to her. We looked at family pictures.

I wanted to see my Dad before anyone else so I took that opportunity. The funeral home was well-appointed and serene. I was shown to the parlor room where he was. There were names in the guest book, but visitors had not been allowed in until a family member said it was okay.

Seeing the deceased is never easy, but I believe it helps one move through the grieving process. He didn't look the same to me. And yet it was him. Glasses on, hands folded. He looked smaller than I remembered. There was an American flag draped across the end. His army jacket was displayed respectfully on a hanger, with the cap above it.

My husband and children arrived. They looked so nice, dressed appropriately for the occasion.
We stayed a little while, sat quietly and talked. And then went back to the hotel for happy hour.

When my brother Joel got to town, PMO, Sean and I met him at a sports bar across the street. Erin opted to stay in and go to bed. She's on a baker's schedule, early to rise.





http://www.joplinglobe.com/obituaries/x673422699/Kenneth-Gene-Allen